Guilt & Gain

For months now I haven’t been feeling the love, which in turn equals the complete neglect of myself.  I’ve been overeating all the goodies; carbs, fats, sweets, wine, fast food, and not exercising – at all.  These two things make for an extremely disgruntled, unpleasant (read grouchy) person.  Funny thing is, people (the better half and the kids) notice it!  “You’re much happier when you take time out for yourself, exercise and eat properly.”  REALLY!?  Hmm, go figure.

We took Christmas photos a few nights ago and after seeing myself coupled with the fact that my pants are squeezing the life out of me, I know it’s time to reel myself back in PDQ.  If I keep going like I have been, I’ll be back up to 200 lbs. in no time.  The most frightening part of gaining this weight back is how sluggish I am and how quickly the fat blows up.  I know that fat cells don’t ever go away, they simply just shrink when you lose weight.  And me, when I eat whatever my little heart desires, I blow up just like a puffer fish!  It’s pretty scary!  I really didn’t realize how much weight and how much fat I’d lost until I started gaining it back!  I was like wow, where in the hell did all that come from!?!

I’ve known for a couple months now that I’ve needed to refocus.  I re-created my diet notebook with new pages and then last week I decided to recommit to an exercise routine.  Sadly, that almost killed me.  Squats basically rendered me unable to walk and then I apparently sprained my foot stepping down off the ladder after putting up Christmas decorations.  The intention was there, it just didn’t work out as planned.  Today is my first day back to exercise and low and behold I’m getting ready to start baking – cookies, cakes, sweets for Christmas gifts & giveaways!   I suppose it’s best I recommit today and admit my limitations than go into this with wild abandon and eat until I blow up even more.  I have a list, I have some goals and I have some other options so I’m hoping that for at least the next week I can enjoy my “normal” Christmas traditions without too much guilt and absolutely no gain.  I’ll keep you posted.



Pullin’ It Together

Last night I weighed myself, this morning I did not.  Yesterday, after shoveling in chocolate cupcakes that I made, I weighed in at a whopping 155 lbs..  I realize that I don’t weigh 155 (yet), but man that’s disconcerting.  I’ve done such a horrible job of taking care of myself recently, I’ve all but abandoned every good thing I’ve changed in the last 3 1/2  years!  I hate that I’m doing this to myself, I feel so out of control.  Not sure why this is an issue, I would assume stress.   And certainly NOT taking care of myself is making the situation and the stress worse.

Today I’m heading back to my roots – checklists…some semblance of control and responsibility!  Got to reign myself back in!

  1. Eat within my dietary guidelines for weight loss.
  2. Drink 8-10 glasses of water
  3. 10,000-12,000 steps
  4. 45 minutes of exercise
  5. Take all my vitamins
  6. Journal
  7. Write down everything I eat and prepare for the next meal
  8. Complete one task today that’s on my to do list

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Weighing My Options

So today’s my drinkin’ day…question is, do I or don’t I? If I do, I don’t want to undo my progress from the last couple days, if I don’t…well then I don’t and that’s probably the road I need to take. But ya know, after dealing with f—–‘ at&t, grocery shopping and not being able to do what I want…yeah I think I’ll have a drink – one…to take the edge off life. Today was a win in the weigh in department. Here’s hoping for wins all week long!

Update: I didn’t have the wine.

The Hunger Games

I felt really good this morning after weighing.  I even “feel” lighter and I have no desires to overeat or eat the things that I’ve been eating recently.  Must be because I’m actually eating decent food!  Bizarre!  For dessert last night, I had “peanut butter banana ice cream” – a banana with a tablespoon of PB2 in the food processor, chopped up until it turns into the consistency of ice cream.  I love it!  Just like ice cream, you really couldn’t tell the difference if you didn’t know.

Today’s eating has been really good too.  I’ve eaten a lot of fruit and vegetables and I’m not hungry.  I’ve been concentrating on my recipes and my food lists today and keeping my mind busy.  I didn’t exercise, I plan on working that in next week.  I need to master this eating thing this weekend.  I’ve already come up with a few good recipes that should keep me on track.  I’m excited about this recipe book and being able to keep all my recipes in one spot.  I’m looking forward to a great weekend!


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Today’s breakfast: mini peppers, Opa blue cheese, wasa bread with a mixture of spring onions, avocado and ricotta cheese with yellow tomatoes!  Delicious!!  

On Your Mark

Time to regroup, I am not doing well – at all.  My pants are tight, my skin is loose, I’m feeling “fat” and I’m falling back into seriously bad eating habits.  Not good!

In July, I weighed in at my lowest weight ever, 137.7, holy cow, wow and hallelujah!!  But it was way too short lived.  I was hanging between 145 and 139 respectively and my metabolism was apparently working well since I was losing consistently.  Fast forward through our summer vacation, no real exercise to speak of, missed out on the 5K I so desperately wanted to do, eating, drinking – bread, ice cream, fries, pina coladas, wine, etc., all the things I limit to lose weight.  After 2 weeks of vacation, I had only gained about 11 pounds (although saying that actually makes me crazy since 11 pound is A LOT of weight to gain in 2 weeks).  I realize that if I had just gone back to my regular eating and exercise regime, it would have long gone by now.  But here we are.

Once home, I came down with a sinus infection and everything bad to eat, sounded so good; doughnuts, pizza, McDonald’s, macaroni & cheese…you know, comfort foods, things that when you eat them make you full and cozy and make you want to fall asleep!  And because I was really sick (6 medications, a nebulizer treatment plus an antibiotic shot and a steroid shot) I ate with abandon!  It was good at the time, but now I’m paying for it.  So all of August and all of September I’ve basically just gone crazy with my eating.  I MUST get back to doing the things I know work.  Lately I’ve been baking and making a lot of food that is fattening – baked potato soup, blueberry muffins, you name it!  And I just can’t keep going like I’m going.  I will be 160 before I know it and I’ll have to buy a whole new wardrobe!  I can not do that for multiple reasons!

Today I’m rededicating myself to my weight loss.  I’m going to get where I want to be…hopefully sooner than later!


It’s a Match

Today was a good day. Although I pretty much sat on my duff all day, I did fit in my hour of elliptical before having to cook dinner and caught up on my social media and now both my blogs!  And other than the one glass of wine I had for “lunch”, I stayed within my exchanges and made good choices. I gained 12 lbs. while on vacation and I’ve been trying to get back into the swing of things for a couple weeks now but it’s been difficult. Greasy cheeseburgers, doughnuts, chips, you name it…if it’s bad for me, I’ve eaten it. No excuses as to why, I wanted it and I allowed myself to eat it. And now I feel it, my stomach, my arms, my hips, all show the gain. <sigh> Time to get back in the game and get all this back off. Preferably before February!!  Here’s to beginning again!

Day 57

WEIGH IN: 140.2

Times a flying’ by and I’m getting no where!!  Again, I’m repeating myself – over and over again.  If I can hold out this weekend…and I can – I’ve got this.  I know I can do this.  Once I’m over this little tiny hump…

I’m trying to stay out of the kitchen, however, I did make some banana chocolate chip muffins for the girls this morning.  I have some bananas going back and that happened to show up on my feed…perfect timing!  And I’m resisting, so it’s all good.  I’ll be busy today working in the basement, hopefully working some calories off as well, running up and down the stairs and moving and lifting.

Hope everyone has a wonderful day today!


Day 60/60

WEIGH IN: 145.9 lbs.

I have seen the 130’s, even if only for a couple days.  I want to start eating from that bowl.  This morning, after a weekend of intense drinking combined with eating loads of sugar and fat, I am unhappy to report that I gained back every ounce I lost in the last 20 days or so.  Go me!  I could kick myself.  I’m down to 2 months exactly.  It’s do or don’t do today.  I’m hoping that a lot of that weight (at least about 3 lbs. of it is sodium related) and that tomorrow, I’ll be a bit less.  Today, I’m going to meet my goals for the day plus some.  I’m going to spend about an hour on the computer catching up and then I’m springing into action!!  The next 2 months I’m out of the kitchen…don’t care what comes about, there are no holidays, no birthdays, no special occasions to speak of, so other than your basic meals, I’m done for 60 days.  My goal is to lose at least 15 lbs. in the next 2 months.  That’s 7.5 lbs. per month.  I’ve GOT THIS SHIT!  I CAN AND WILL DO THIS!!

Today’s Goals:

  1. Eat properly: Todays menu will be limited, only protein & vegetables today with a couple good for me fats.
  2. Drink 8 glasses of water to flush out the crap I inhaled yesterday.
  3. One hour of core & cardio = 10-12,000 steps
  4. Clean at least one room in the basement out – gather for yard sale
  5. Read one chapter, at least
  6. *Work on trip details

Today’s going to be a great day!!


Day 80

Weight: 145.2

Honestly, if I NEVER see the number 145 again I’ll be happy!  I’m over these numbers, big time.  Today I’ve spent re-vamping my “diet”, since what I’m doing simply isn’t working and obviously I’m not following what I’m doing either.  I’m going to have to become extremely vigilant.  I’m going to continue my journaling here and making goals for each day, but I’m changed my menu considerably!


This is the chart I will use as a guide and truly, I haven’t been following it for a while.  I’m really up on my starches & fats, and eating a lot of sushi & stuff I shouldn’t be.  I’ve been shortcutting myself terribly.  This method only works if I actually FOLLOW it.  Time is quickly flying by til summer vacation and to lose a few more pounds would just be the cat’s meow!  I’m NOT losing – I’m maintaining and it’s making me crazy!  Time to step it up a notch!

Today’s goals:

  1. Drink 6-8 glasses of water
  2. To finish the day out using the guide to do so
  3. To journal
  4. To take my vitamins
  5. Make my dentist appointment
  6. 30 minutes of exercise at minimum

Have a wonderful Wednesday all!

Playing Catch Up

April 22: Day 84: Weight: 146

April 23: Day 83: Weight: 145.7

April 24: Day 82: Weight: 147.2

April 25: Day 81: Weight: 145.9

Hello, just dancing around my BMA!  I was a week late!  Thought for sure I was in menopause…nope.  FML.  Anyway…

…so this is how the last few days have gone.  It was a fairly busy weekend, soccer, washing cars and mowing the grass.  It was productive but every night that food crazed maniac that lives inside me would rear its ugly head and there I’d go.  Eating everything I shouldn’t and then some.  But yesterday I vowed to do better and I did.  I made it to the end of the day with simply a balanced dinner.  I did it and I felt accomplished.  Tonight I plan on doing the same.  Simply eating (no grazing) a meal with my family and not eating again until tomorrow.  This will be what moves me forward or stops me cold in my tracks.  I’m praying for strength and to show up Thursday with something lost…I’ll take a pound!