I don’t particularly care for the word Fool, it’s kinda creepy, but foolish fits the description of my actions the last few days. I was down – down to 141 something, let’s say 141.9. Four days ago, my BMA started going haywire like they like to do once a month and boom – I’ve eaten my way right back to 145! Again, as if I haven’t said it a million times already, I’m so disappointed in myself. I swear, the 150’s and the 140’s have been so difficult to get through and out of!
Today is a lazy day for us as the kids will be going back to school Monday after a two week spring break, I think I need to get back into some soul searching. Studying and reading about more reasons why I become SO overjoyed at the thought I’m losing so quickly and consistently and then I eat my way right back to where I started, all the while KNOWING what I’m doing. As I ate an entire bag of popcorn, a 1/2 pint of Halo Top ice cream, a few sugar free peanut butter cups AND a Lenny & Larry’s chocolate chip cookie last night while watching movies, I kept thinking…I’m gonna feel like shit after this (which I did – and still do), chest pains, guilt from eating, disappointment in my choices and my rationalization for doing so. I said to myself, “don’t do this, you’re gonna regret it” and I said, “oh, shut up” and here I am regretting it tenfold!
Motivational quotes, MFP message boards, IG #fitfam photos are great a lot of the time to keep me in control and moving forward, but there are some times (like the last 4 days) where that’s just not enough to keep me going in the right direction. This out of control behavior habit is the LAST thing that I need to break to get out of this preconditioned notion that I can’t get through my BMA without eating the house down! Next month, I”m going to combat it with everything I have. I can’t afford not to. Anyone have any ideas to stop that “oh what the hell” feeling cold in it’s tracks? I’m SOOO over it!